A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
One Person, Many Lives
I've been thinking a lot lately, about how many different chapters my life has had. So strange how looking back on my life, I tend to refer to the years as sort of "blocks" of time. I hear myself say "the wcb decade", or "the southerland years", or "the borland days"...etc.
It makes me wonder, in 5 years from now...what will be the title chapter for my "Paul years"? There were only 2.75 of them. I have had jobs that lasted longer, but right now, this time seems like the only time that has ever existed for me.
Will it be "the PAD era?" or "when I was married to the love of my life"..or "in the year that Paul died"?? I truly do not know.
Life seems to be one big huge change after another for me. These changes have never been gradual, more like upheavals. My edges are not as rounded as some. I don't "roll with it" very well. It is painful. I get battered and bruised. And now, the one thing that was giving me hope for the future, is hanging by a thread....more change a comin' maybe..dont know.
As i sit and write this, I am giving good, sage advice to my son. A son I had at 14 years old. A son who has always thought of me as a big sister rather than a mother. And yet, I find it so difficult to take my own good advice.
Still moving forward slowly, but still clinging to the lost hopes of yesterday. How many more will i lose? Hopes that is. The answer is not for me to know.
Another life will surely follow this one. What will it be? I have no idea of the specifics. But I know that my own attitude can affect the quality of that life.
I guess my task is just to live. But to live in love, in forgiveness, in service, and in gratitude when i can muster it.
I'm trying..thank you to everyone here helping me to get to my next life.
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Comment
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Comment by lovie on September 26, 2012 at 2:56am -
I think the chapter could be title "Lived well and loved deeply"! It may have been short, but it was so worth it.
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Comment by carolynne on September 23, 2012 at 12:36am -
(((Ali))) I feel you. I wish I could see around the corners and tell you it's all going to be okay. One day, of course, it will. Hang on to every shred of hope, my dear. xoxoxo
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Comment by chez2all on September 22, 2012 at 7:30pm -
I get the 'changes have never been gradual, more like upheavals' bit...mine too. lots of changes, lots of upheaval. This latest change has been huge, but with the help of many on this site, I am accepting my new life a lot better than I ever thought possible.
At 52 my children are mostly raised (all adults now) but still have the youngest at home...so i am not feeling the need to hide my emotions quite the way I did when their dad died nearly 12 years ago. A new life has begun, with a new home for us, some travel on the horizon, renewed energy at last (will be needed to renovate the new home). Where this will all lead I have no idea, but I am now able to say I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life. Another page has been turned and life goes on.
I wish you peace and hope for the future
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Comment by janet on September 22, 2012 at 6:25pm -
(((ALI))). Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself with us. Thinking of you and wishing you peace as we all move forward in this journey.
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Comment by MissingRKK on September 22, 2012 at 5:36pm -
Thank you for sharing some of your story with us and your hope.
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