A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
I've been thinking a lot lately, about how many different chapters my life has had. So strange how looking back on my life, I tend to refer to the years as sort of "blocks" of time. I hear myself say "the wcb decade", or "the southerland years", or "the borland days"...etc.
It makes me wonder, in 5 years from now...what will be the title chapter for my "Paul years"? There were only 2.75 of them. I have had jobs that lasted longer, but right now, this time seems like the only time that has ever existed for me.
Will it be "the PAD era?" or "when I was married to the love of my life"..or "in the year that Paul died"?? I truly do not know.
Life seems to be one big huge change after another for me. These changes have never been gradual, more like upheavals. My edges are not as rounded as some. I don't "roll with it" very well. It is painful. I get battered and bruised. And now, the one thing that was giving me hope for the future, is hanging by a thread....more change a comin' maybe..dont know.
As i sit and write this, I am giving good, sage advice to my son. A son I had at 14 years old. A son who has always thought of me as a big sister rather than a mother. And yet, I find it so difficult to take my own good advice.
Still moving forward slowly, but still clinging to the lost hopes of yesterday. How many more will i lose? Hopes that is. The answer is not for me to know.
Another life will surely follow this one. What will it be? I have no idea of the specifics. But I know that my own attitude can affect the quality of that life.
I guess my task is just to live. But to live in love, in forgiveness, in service, and in gratitude when i can muster it.
I'm trying..thank you to everyone here helping me to get to my next life.