The one year anniversary of my husband's death is coming next week on December 12th.
When December 12, 2012 arrives, my son and I will have:
I have felt each second of loss, each hour of pain, each day of sorrow, each week of sadness, each month of grief. I felt with my heart, body, mind and soul this entire whole year of mourning. It has been an arduous journey. The journey is not over yet, but I am thankful that I am not where I was one year ago, because it was so awfully anguishing and painful in the beginning.
I have been dreaming of him frequently and the dreams comfort me.
I have been feeling unwell, almost physically sick and I know it is a manifestation of my grief. I need to cry so more, I need to weep and wail, I need to let more of my feelings out.
Add to this the holiday atmosphere - the festive decorations, the twinkling lights, holiday music, images of couples and families smiling, laughing, and sharing good times together. Combine into the mixture the memories of what used to be, stir in the reality of the lost hopes and dreams, and the result is one unpalatable dish that I, somehow, have to digest. Talk about a having indigestion and heartburn.
Yet, I am hopeful. I give thanks for the love we shared. I give thanks for the son I am blessed with. I give thanks for the sorrow and the joy, because we would not know the warmth of the bright sun without the darkness of a cold night.
Life is precious, as those of us who have lost someone too well know, and each day is a gift. I hope to embrace everyday with hope and gratitude, because there is no place to go but forward. Peace, strength, healing and courage to all who read this who are going through the same thing.