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Our minds and lives are filled with contradictions especially when your beloved dies in front of you

My Roses Nov 1st 2013

I can understand your feelings.  I have seen so many beautiful men and women on this site.  If your loved one dies in front of you - it is the worst thing possible, especially if they are suffering/injured.  My husband passed away at home but he passed peacefully.  However, I cannot forget his face.  His beautiful blue eyes looking at me.  His dark hair. (I trimmed some of his hair as a memory of his beauty).  I also placed roses on his shoulder as he lay there. I also hugged him for about 4-5 hours, kneeling on pillows against his lovely face.

My husband suffered breathing issues, because cancer cells had created a fluid around his heart.But I am sure that a fall such as some  men have had would have been even worse.  Our minds and vision are filled with contradictions... the horror ones as they suffer, the glorious ones as we look at their beauty and the look in their eyes.  I AM SHOUTING IT HERE... everything we do is a contradiction,we are in love, but we are hurt.  We see their suffering but it touches our heart. We give our all with energy at the same time our immune system, physical body is silently deteriorating from stress and no sleep.  Our minds are full of contradictions too. Faith that they will be healed but watching all the drugs etc that they want to give  them - which makes  them worse/massive symptoms.

Or seeing signs of recovery and your beloved "is back" for a while - minds filled with hope and telling them I love you.  Even teeny weeny thoughts about  'some good times again" even if its just sitting in the garden. What a roller coaster we have been on and are still on in a different way.

How I love you all for your sharing, your honesty,  and your willingness to love your beloved against all the odds that were presented to you.  To be able to maybe shuffle in to see them, after about 2 hrs of sleep and make them more comfortable on their pillows, get that lemon and ginger tea as their throat is dry.  Surely God after all we have done so willingly for our beloved, there will be a restoration.  You have promised restoration of all things - that we may meet this lovely soul we still love across time and space. You have given us a glimmer of this - saying our loved ones will be recognisable to us.  Also the more recent hope given by Pr Oden that the love of our life will be a Covenant Companion for eternity.  I pray for this for us all  - there are now approx  4,200 of us on this site.  God grant us our dearest wish to be with the love of our life for eternity.

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