Paying it forward- What I know!

Two years , 3 months such a short time but also a lifetime. Only through the grace of God, my family, my sons, my friends and my Camp Widow pals have I held it together and moved forward somewhat on this grief journey. Don't get me wrong I am not "healed"  and I don't think I will be ever be completely. How do you lose the love of your life one very normal, ordinary day in a spllit second and get over it? I know you never do but I also know in my heart that this life goes on. Somehow you pick up the pieces and move forward to a new normal. I have had so much help along the way... From those first terrible moments of not knowing what had happened to my husband I was surrounded by those who loved me, my boys and my husband.  I have made choices throughout the last two years to do everything in my power to come out on the other side "whole & sane". My husband committed suicide July 19th, 2010 and my life was turned upside down. That is the sad, terrible news but there is good news.

From about 3 months out  I made the decision to become informed, about depression & widowhood, to get counseling, to listen to other's who have walked this journey before me, to cry when I needed to and wail with anger if & when it rose up, I have kept putting one foot in front of the other no matter what.   Finding this site and you my friends was such a wonderful gift to me. I have learned so much from many of you .  I have attended two Camp Widow West's and have loved each one for very different reasons. The first I went to 1 year out and I was scared, felt alone at first and had no idea what to expect. My fears were to put to rest and I found true friends for life .  I attended my second one this past August- What a different experience. I felt so much more confident and even was a volunteer:) I look forward to all those camps yet to come.

This is where more good news comes... Out of the ashes of tragedy and heartbreak comes a conviction for me to come alongside those also on this journey. My best friends and I have been planning for a year a widow's retreat. My WV friend Dianne is also a part of the program-Thanks friend :)  It is a faith based program and is coming up on November 2-4th,2012. Yes, I am anxious about all kinds of things related to making sure we get it right but I know that God has his hands all over it and I just need to get out of his way:) I know that I cannot turn my back from sharing my story and God's grace that was given. This life is made for "paying it forward". It's my turn to return the favor.