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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Sometimes I want to sing out loud.

I want to project my voice to the heavens, or wherever it is that you are, and show you that I am still in love with you.

That I will always be in love with you.

                                                               I love you.

                                                                                     I miss you!

missing you makes me want to float up into the sky, surround myself with cumulous clouds, and disappear in the wind.

crazy me

in love with someone who is gone. long gone.

DEAD gone.

that is really gone!

Sometimes I wish there was a way to correspond with you.

To have you hear my voice, and to hear yours too.  Listen to your words, the way you'd pronounce them, the way you'd change the english language into your special slang. I will always miss that.

To be honest, I am sick of dreaming about you. Where are you?

I am sick of listening to your words in my head.  They feel too whispered, unclear. 

I am sick of thinking about the morning of the crash. our last talk and the final moments together.

I am sick of my mind sending me to places that I wish I could forget, like when you were in the hospital. The moment I spoke to the neurologist.  The moment they pronounced you dead @ 12:44pm. 

I don't want to remember that.

I want to remember you. our wedding. moving into our house and planning the renovations. best of all----when we found out we were going to have a baby. That is what I want to remember but they all seem so clouded by your death. 

fuck death.

fuck loss.

fuck drunk driving.


I wish I could float up into the sky, surround myself with cumulous clouds and disappear in the wind.

sorry for those f-bombs.

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Comment by smit09 on August 30, 2014 at 7:41pm

thanks Hanh

my heart goes out to you, and to all of us widowed people. It is NOT an easy journey, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  I believe also that one day I will be with him again.

all the best to you as you heal. *hugs*

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on July 15, 2014 at 10:56pm

((((Stacey)))) I for one, just LOVE the fbombs. Cause it's REAL.  I am sorry you are having a sad night. Love you lady.

Comment by Hanh on July 15, 2014 at 10:35pm
I lost my husband to drunk driving too. He left home and never came back like he promised. It's ok with the f-bombs. I never used it often before when it was still Hanh and John. Now, very often, John would be surprised to talk to me now I think. I am so sorry for your loss smit09... Same with you, I am still mady in love with my Dead husband. Been 139 days, wonder how I still survive. I believe one day I will see him again. Hugs and love to you smit09 <3

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