Sometimes I want to sing out loud.

I want to project my voice to the heavens, or wherever it is that you are, and show you that I am still in love with you.

That I will always be in love with you.

                                                               I love you.

                                                                                     I miss you!

missing you makes me want to float up into the sky, surround myself with cumulous clouds, and disappear in the wind.

crazy me

in love with someone who is gone. long gone.

DEAD gone.

that is really gone!

Sometimes I wish there was a way to correspond with you.

To have you hear my voice, and to hear yours too.  Listen to your words, the way you'd pronounce them, the way you'd change the english language into your special slang. I will always miss that.

To be honest, I am sick of dreaming about you. Where are you?

I am sick of listening to your words in my head.  They feel too whispered, unclear. 

I am sick of thinking about the morning of the crash. our last talk and the final moments together.

I am sick of my mind sending me to places that I wish I could forget, like when you were in the hospital. The moment I spoke to the neurologist.  The moment they pronounced you dead @ 12:44pm. 

I don't want to remember that.

I want to remember you. our wedding. moving into our house and planning the renovations. best of all----when we found out we were going to have a baby. That is what I want to remember but they all seem so clouded by your death. 

fuck death.

fuck loss.

fuck drunk driving.

fuck!

I wish I could float up into the sky, surround myself with cumulous clouds and disappear in the wind.

sorry for those f-bombs.