A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
7 months today you chose to leave me. For the first 2 weeks I was numb, disbelief ruling my waking hours which were many. Coming into week 3 I began to discover things about you I never imagined and my emotions turned ugly (to say the least). Anger at the situation you had left me with, panic at the realization that I had no savings left and no home...along with an inability to cope with a job requiring a huge emotional input.
Finding the only way I could deal with many of the issues with which I was faced was to take time away from work and eventually make the right decision for my own future to walk away completely a few weeks ago.
So today I find myself thinking of you. Sad that you felt taking your own life was your only option, but tinged with relief that I no longer have to struggle with your mental illness and emotional blackmail, continually walking on egg-shells. I also find myself grateful for the wonderful memories of our 6 years together - travel, working together, your support of my 3 kids, your sense of humour, your 'sayings'.
Even over 6 short years you have left a legacy in the way I view life, not wanting to waste it, not wanting to survive but to really LIVE. I no longer feel restricted by my own thinking, but am venturing into new areas of thinking, expanding my mind, expanding my influences and feeling confident about my choices (not to bad for someone who couldn't make a decision if her life depended on it). Through our time together I learned I am stronger than I thought, taking on responsibilities I always thought should be the husbands...but finding for us to survive I needed to accept those responsibilities with a willing heart. And for you, I did.
Thank you for giving me the years we had, thank you for the love we shared, and thank you for setting me free (I know that was the hardest decision you ever had to make). You will always be in my heart, I love you