27 years ......
That's how long my Hubby and I were married and together until he passed Feb 10, 2011.
For the first 3 or so years I only referred to my Ralph in the present tense.
People looked at me strange, and the air in the room went still for a second or more.
It is only until recently I have started to refer to him, my Husband, in the past tense.
It feels and sounds strange to me. Why am i referring to my Husband in the past tense?
Isn't he here with us i ask myself. I feel I have let him down somehow. That I have let "us" down.
By referring to him in past tense, Its as if saying, he is no longer with me, no longer a part of me,
no longer "us". How could i allow this to happen? I tell myself. I am sad to refer to him in the
past tense... then why not refer to him in the present tense? I ask myself. But i am like those around
me, not seeing him, but in my mind's eye, in my heart and memory.
Still, it feels wrong to refer to my Husband, whom I am still married to, in the past tense.
There should be an "in-between" of past and present tense, yes, that would be easier for me.