The reoccurring dream:
There is this thick glass wall I stand behind. I'm pressed up to it with both my hands spread slapping it as hard as I can. I can see life carrying on on the other side of this wall. I see love, laughter, growth, friends, family, and everything that makes up living life. I'm on the other side. Punching, slapping, kicking, screaming for people to hear me. see me. LOOK AT ME! No one turns. No one can see or hear me. I drop into a puddle on the floor from exhaustion and weep. I feel sorry for myself. I can't get through that glass wall. I'm in my own purgatory. I created this space. I look behind me and all I see is white. White walls and floors that go on for an infinite distance. It scares me. It's nothing. Nothing is there. I look forward and I see everyone laughing. I know these people. These are my people but they don't see or hear me. I'm not part of it. I'm behind the glass wall. I pound on that thick glass but it doesn't budge. My hands are bloody. My voice is hoarse from screaming. No one sees me. Have I died? Yes... I can answer that. I have died. I'm watching life carry on with no care that I am stuck behind this wall. I sit on this white floor staring at life moving forward. I finally notice a man in the distance. He's not joining in on life. He is staring back at me. He's not laughing. He's not contributing to the people. He's looking through all of them and staring only at me. I know it's him. It's the reason I am behind this wall. Why is he all the way over there and I am behind this wall? WHY? I can feel his eyes on only me. I can feel him longing for me. It is so strong. My heart pumps, my eyes are teary, my soul hums from the energy of him. I stand and I stare back through the people laughing, living, and just stare at him. I press my spread hand on the glass. Trying to touch him. He raises his hand as well. Not removing his locked look on me.
Below my spread palm the glass cracks ever so slightly. He smiles and nods.
I wake up.