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I have so many questions I wish I could ask Patrick, but there one I really wish I could ask him is if he forgives me.

The last 2 nights I've had the same dream.  In the dream I'm hanging out with the kids and a friend of mine.  Patrick shows up.  He's realized that he's missed a year and he can't figure out why.  The last thing he remembers is calling me to tell me he got to order 1 flavor of every jello they had and he couldn't wait to eat.  (This was March 28, he hadn't had anything to eat, other than feeding tube, since the morning of March 5th.)

He doesn't remember anything after that.  So I had to fill him in on what happened right after he called me that morning, what happened the following 2 weeks, and that he died on April 10th.

In the dream I am working up the courage to tell him that I had to make the decision to take him off life support.  In the dream this is my chance to ask him if he forgives me. 

And just before I get up the courage to ask him, I wake up.

My brain knows I made the right decision, and I would do it all over again.  My heart on the other hand feels extremely guilty and I can't seem to get the 2 of them on the same page.  I am finding out from talking to others that have had to make this decision, this is very normal.

I know its something that I will be fighting with myself for a long time, but I do wish I could ask Patrick and hear his answer, even if its just in a dream.

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Comment by Cristina on April 24, 2013 at 7:46pm

Sam - I have a suggestion.  I found an fantastic medium, who will do sessions over the phone (mine was in person as she lives only an hour away...) and I was able to ask the questions I really needed to ask, and get answers back in English, no interpretation needed, you know?  Real words, not looking for signs, it was amazing, just amazing and so real.  Since then, that was last August, I've sent about 8 people to her, and every single one has had an absolutely convincing interaction with their beloveds.  There is no way she could be making all this up.  She is just a humble, sweet lady with a gift.  I can't print her contact info here, cuz of WV rules, but if you are interested, send me a message and I'll send you her number.  She also records the session, and then sends you a cassette of it....so you can go back over it.  You're so stunned when it's happening, it's really good to be able to hear it all again.  It's not too expensive, either.  Very reasonable, and priceless, for the peace of mind it gives you.  Just a thought.

Comment by Lori on April 24, 2013 at 7:21pm

((((sam))))

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