Every 25th I've counted the months and when I reached the 25th of February 2017 I made it to the one year date of the death of my husband. I tried my hardest not to look at the clock at the time when I realized he was not snoring and was so quiet. I called his name and tried to wake him up. I knew that he was gone but I called 911 hoping for a miracle. She asked me if I wanted her to stay on the phone with me but the parametics, firemen and police were already at our door..
A sudden death is like your loved one being killed in a car accident- that's how I felt, such a shock. Some days, I still think that if he had an illness I would have been able to hold his hand, talk to a doctor, prepare as best as you can when dealing with an illness. Other days, I knew my husband very well, he loved to be active and was always doing some project around the house, running to Home Depot for something- he would have hated to be sick and confined to a hospital room or stuck at home.
I just wish he was older than 63.
Sorry for sounding so down when actually I'm doing OK. Living in the house alone is much easier- I don't like it but I'm feeling more comfortable.