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Every 25th I've counted the months and when I reached the 25th of February 2017 I made it to the one year date of the death of my husband. I tried my hardest not to look at the clock at the time when I realized he was not snoring and was so quiet.  I called his name and tried to wake him up. I knew that he was gone but I called 911 hoping for a miracle. She asked me if I wanted her to stay on the phone with me but the parametics, firemen and police were already at our door..

A sudden death is like your loved one being killed in a car accident- that's how I felt, such a shock. Some days, I still think that if he had an illness I would have been able to hold his hand, talk to a doctor, prepare as best as you can when dealing with an illness. Other days, I knew my husband very well, he loved to be active and was always doing some project around the house, running to Home Depot for something- he would have hated to be sick and confined to a hospital room or stuck at home.  

I just wish he was older than 63.

Sorry for sounding so down when actually I'm doing OK. Living in the house alone  is much easier- I don't like it but I'm feeling more comfortable.

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Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on May 10, 2017 at 6:43pm

camsmoms...The anniversaries are hard.  My husband also died in February on the 13th, 2012. Although it was sudden, I was able to say goodbye to my husband, but that did not ease the pain or help with the grief or the replaying of that day in my mind.  Part of our process is just that...processing everything, and unfortunately that means thinking about it a lot, as painful as it is.  I'm glad to hear you are doing OK (which is as much as we can hope for really).  I hope your days continue to be softer and brighter.

Comment by sandi on April 5, 2017 at 11:12am

I am also coming up in May to the 1 year mark.  Some days its seems like only yesterday and some days it seems like forever since I lost him.  I seem to be stuck right now, feeling very lost and lonely, not sure what to do with my self.  I have MS which leaves me extremely fatigued and yet I have so many things I would like to do.  Thought about volunteering, but I hate to make a commitment and not be able to keep it.  Everyday is like a test, what to do, how do I feel, what can I accomplish today.  I am in a new support group and it amazes me that there some people going on 5 years, 7 years and still grieving.  God I hope to do better than that.

Sandi

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