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The Positivity Continues.... Its A Good Thing
Yesterday is what would have been my 25th wedding anniversary.
Wow! In my attempt to continue living my life in "positive " mode, I for the most part kept it on the downlow. In the weeks and days coming up to this anniversary, I started to ignore my own advise and I started to get the itch to run, to run from the anxiety and the what could have beens. In the end I am glad I didnt run, because I would have been alone and left to my own devises (which is never a really good thing in my case) I would have wallowed and wailed and simmered in my self pity. I would have given in to the life is not fair, why did this happen to me attitude. I hate that attitude in myself. Instead of giving up to that, I got up, I went to work, I had a few drinks with friends who had no idea it was my anniversary, I came home and I thought about the good things.
I remembered our somewhat wacky wedding (this is me remember) and I smiled at the memories, yes my maid of honor was drunk and dropped the rings, and yes they did roll down the aisle. Yes, I jumped off the stage at our reception and fell flat on my ass. Yes, I forgot to order coffee for the reception, and yes I did have people come to my reception in Halloween costumes. I also laughed at the memory of Keiths groomsmen attaching a ball and chain to his ankle. That last one pissed me off at the time because I never wanted to be thought of as the "ole ball and chain" LOL.
I remembered the look on Keiths face when he first saw me walking down the aisle with my Dad. I remembered the way he said his vows and the laughter from the guests with the way he said for richer for poorer. I remember thinking that the minister better say husband and wife instead of man and wife. I also remembered Keith calling me first thing the morning of our wedding and promising me the ride of my life.
And boy did he deliver on that promise. We had a marriage that was full of highs and lows, laughter and tears, arguments and peace. It was a hell of a ride and its not over yet.
On that day 25 years ago, our separate hopes and dreams became one. Through the course of our marriage our hopes and dreams changed as is what happens when life is involved. The beauty of it is that they do change, thats part of life. And although some of those hopes and dreams died when he did, I have new hopes and dreams.
I am still on that ride he promised me.
So, all in all, it was a good day and not worth the anxiety that I let creep in on me.
Happy Anniversary my love. I love you.
Oh and by the way, I know you promised me a cruise for our 25th, and I know you would have hated it and tried any excuse to get out of it, but dont you think the hurricane was a bit much for a sign?
xoxo
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Comment
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Comment by Tommi on November 3, 2012 at 8:14pm -
Thank you for sharing your wedding memories! They made me smile and giggle too! My husband bought me a ball and chain one year for my birthday--before we were married. I was so angry with him about that (ranked right up there with the bicycle seat for Christmas.....hadn't ridden that thing in years!). After we were married, I proudly had it on display....Happy Anniversary Amy....It's ok to wallow but it's a whole lot sweeter to think back on those times and smile! HUGS!!!!!!
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Comment by lisanrich on November 1, 2012 at 10:41am -
You really did bring a smile and some laughter to a lot of us!! Thanks for sharing and Happy Belated Anniversary. Mine is coming up on the 12th of November. 29 years for us and I hope and pray I will have the positive outlook that you have!! ((((HUGS))))
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Comment by mamatrees on November 1, 2012 at 9:02am -
Big hug to you.
You always find the rights words...
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Comment by bad ass widow on October 31, 2012 at 7:25pm -
Thanks everyone. Yes it was a hell of a party and not the quiet, elegant, sophisticated wedding you would expect from me LOL It has taken me awhile to get to this point of realizing that I personally would rather be living a happy life. Life is too short, as well all know too well.
I hope that you all are able to find happiness and peace again.
(((hugs)))
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Comment by Joyce on October 31, 2012 at 12:46pm -
Happy Belated Anniversary! Loved reading this thanks for sharing. Made me lol. Please send some of your positivity my way. Hugs!!!!
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Comment by Suz on October 31, 2012 at 6:40am -
Amy,
First of all, Happy Anniversary. Second, thanks for being here and being willing to share from the heart. I get such a kick out of your sense of humor. Even when I am down, you make me laugh. Thanks for showing me how to live "positively." You make it look kinda fun!
Hugs,
Suz
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Comment by hendrixx2 on October 31, 2012 at 4:55am -
Hi Amy,
A special thanx to you for this; I am so glad you can have the memories without so much pain...I am really happy for you, that you can remember and realize that the ride is not quite over...it gives me hope...now, you've go ME thinking...Happy Anniversary...
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Comment by Angie aka Woody's Girl on October 31, 2012 at 1:12am -
Loved reading this Amy and Happy Belated Anniversary!! I laughed about the costumes. I was married on the 30th and had friends who were having a Halloween party the night we got married. On our way home we stopped by in our wedding garb and everyone kept telling us how much they loved our costumes. We kept trying to say 'No these are real!!' We laughed for years!! Glad you had a good day; mine was really peaceful too. XOXOXO
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Comment by Krista Westervelt (whoknows) on October 31, 2012 at 12:06am -
<3
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Comment by Dianne in Nevada on October 31, 2012 at 12:03am -
Love this, Amy. What a great way to honor the life you and Keith shared. Keep writing.
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