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Yesterday is what would have been my 25th wedding anniversary.
Wow! In my attempt to continue living my life in "positive " mode, I for the most part kept it on the downlow. In the weeks and days coming up to this anniversary, I started to ignore my own advise and I started to get the itch to run, to run from the anxiety and the what could have beens. In the end I am glad I didnt run, because I would have been alone and left to my own devises (which is never a really good thing in my case) I would have wallowed and wailed and simmered in my self pity. I would have given in to the life is not fair, why did this happen to me attitude. I hate that attitude in myself. Instead of giving up to that, I got up, I went to work, I had a few drinks with friends who had no idea it was my anniversary, I came home and I thought about the good things.
I remembered our somewhat wacky wedding (this is me remember) and I smiled at the memories, yes my maid of honor was drunk and dropped the rings, and yes they did roll down the aisle. Yes, I jumped off the stage at our reception and fell flat on my ass. Yes, I forgot to order coffee for the reception, and yes I did have people come to my reception in Halloween costumes. I also laughed at the memory of Keiths groomsmen attaching a ball and chain to his ankle. That last one pissed me off at the time because I never wanted to be thought of as the "ole ball and chain" LOL.
I remembered the look on Keiths face when he first saw me walking down the aisle with my Dad. I remembered the way he said his vows and the laughter from the guests with the way he said for richer for poorer. I remember thinking that the minister better say husband and wife instead of man and wife. I also remembered Keith calling me first thing the morning of our wedding and promising me the ride of my life.
And boy did he deliver on that promise. We had a marriage that was full of highs and lows, laughter and tears, arguments and peace. It was a hell of a ride and its not over yet.
On that day 25 years ago, our separate hopes and dreams became one. Through the course of our marriage our hopes and dreams changed as is what happens when life is involved. The beauty of it is that they do change, thats part of life. And although some of those hopes and dreams died when he did, I have new hopes and dreams.
I am still on that ride he promised me.
So, all in all, it was a good day and not worth the anxiety that I let creep in on me.
Happy Anniversary my love. I love you.
Oh and by the way, I know you promised me a cruise for our 25th, and I know you would have hated it and tried any excuse to get out of it, but dont you think the hurricane was a bit much for a sign?