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Facebook.

Unless you live under a rock, you either know what it is or actively have an account. 

Both my late husband and I had a Facebook account.  I've continued using Facebook since his death, but now I face a dilemma.  My account still says married...and while I still feel married...in reality, I am not.  If I change my status to widow, I lose access to my late husband's account. 

Facebook does offer the option of turning my late husband's page into a "In Memory Of..." page, but they don't offer to option of me being listed as his widow. 

And so...my page still says "married to"... and it will until Facebook comes up with a solution that meets my need to stay connected to my late husband's page. 

It's one of those things I just can't let go of...

27
Cyna

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Comment by aussiewidow on June 30, 2012 at 9:33am

I hadn't been sure there was a widow option on Facebook...thought the only one was "it's complicated." I hadn't looked and didn't want to. Still listed as married. Like others I still feel married and am having to produce the marriage certificate as part of ID etc. John deleted his Facebook account some months ago so I don't have a Facebook phantom and that's good for me.

After what someone had posted I don't want to change my status to widow and receive dating site ads on Facebook although I know you can change ad preferences, at least in Australia. But I think everyone receives some dating site ads regardless of status.

Comment by Jody on June 29, 2012 at 2:44am

Cyna, I guess it would take alot of people making that suggestion to Facebook administrators. It did hurt to see the family connection lost. I post on my husband's page all the time. I have to express myself and the walls aren't listening. If people think I am losing it then let them....I am in a way.  I had a dilemma the other day when I was booking an airline flight. Mrs or Ms? It feels so disrespectful to him to put Ms because I still feel like his wife. I did end up going with Ms just because legally that's what I am now. Hard to accept. 

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on June 28, 2012 at 3:33pm

I have not changed my "married" status..nor have i disabled Paul's account.  To the contrary, I have continued to post to his page songs..my thoughts..my love..my pain.  A lot of people may think this is tacky, or over the top...but i really don't give a damn what they think.  It is a way for me to stay "connected" to him..and to express myself.  if people don't want to see it..they should "unsubscribe"..or whatever.  also..some people posted to his page for his bday and that made me feel good. some posted memorials right after his death.  I'm not ready to let it go and it's totally my decision. 

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on June 28, 2012 at 2:52pm

shattered 1 (karen), there is a way to get it back I think.  I will need to go back and check it out.  I will send you an e-mail when I know what you need to do. 

I choose to leave my husbands active.  I was going to memorialize his page till I found out I would only be associated as a friend so I plan to leave it active.  I log in to his account every so often to check on things.

I also chose to keep his e-mail account active, even though I can suspend it.  I prefer to keep everything the way it was before his passing.

Comment by shattered 1(Karen) on June 28, 2012 at 1:56pm

 I took the advise of another widow, wish I had not.  She assured me it would be less painful to just delete his account.  I told her I liked it there.  She said I had no idea how much pain it would cause me if I didn'y.  So I did.  Can't figure out how to contact anyone at fb to see if it's gone forever or not.

Comment by chez2all on June 27, 2012 at 7:24pm

I changed my status to widow and it blocked me from his site...found a back door and changed it to 'it's complicated'  this relinked our pages again...but friends thought I'd lost the plot lol

Comment by AlanRRT on June 27, 2012 at 5:33pm

When I changed my status to widow (no widower option), all the ads suddenly turned to dating sites.

I think Facebook needs some education in this area.

Comment by MsKris12 on June 27, 2012 at 3:42pm

I see Cyna, sorry for not understanding at first.

When I place my status as widow, yes, we were no longer considered (by FB) as family, however, bc Steve was not able to confirm this change, his status remained "married" to me. 

I still get the same feeling as Jody when he comes across my chat or when FB highlights him as a friend.  But I love that our friends, family and myself can escape to his FB, look at pictures,  update and write thoughts or whatever. 

Lots of love to you Cyna. 

Comment by Jody on June 27, 2012 at 9:47am

I felt strange when that happened too.  Luckily I have access to my husband's page because I set it up for him . I could go back in and change things if I wanted to I guess. It was a tough decision to make in the first place. Seeing it in print made it real.  Another strange thing,  I can't believe how many people still request him as a friend. I don't respond to those. What are they thinking? That he is going to answer?  I do enjoy going in and reading our chat conversations from when he was away on business. I still get a twinge when I see his name on my chat list. I so badly want to talk to him.

Comment by Cyna on June 27, 2012 at 9:19am

Perhaps I didn't word this properly...I don't really want "access" to my husband's account.  I just still want to be linked to him as a family member, not a "friend".  I wanted to be listed as his widow on his page...and mine.  

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