A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Then and Now
7 years ago Brian and I decided to take every Thursday during the summer and do something fun with our kids. One Thursday we decided to take them to Governor Dodge State Park for the day. We visited a waterfall and then spent the day playing at the beach. We had a picnic lunch. I remember as we were pulling into the park we were talking about putting in an offer on a bigger house. I was insisting....he was resisting....finally he sighed and said "Fine, we will put an offer in, but if I am getting an ulcer I'm blaming YOU!" In hindsight this statement stays in my head like a nauseating, pounding headache that won't go away. (We did put an offer in on the house, but thankfully didn't get it.) That was the first time I remember Brian talking about having stomach problems. That was our last summer of freedom from fear. It was a time of great hope and planning for our future. Our kids were so young, 5, 3, 1 and 2 months. Our family was complete and our future looked bright....
Memorial Day weekend I took the kids camping at Governor Dodge State Park. It is the first time we have been there in 7 years. We went with my brother, sister-in-law and some of their friends. I had never camped before I met Brian, and camping without him seems so.....wrong. Another first...our first camping trip without him. It was a bittersweet experience. As we pulled into the park it was raining. I quietly asked Brian to make it stop so that we didn't have to set up our tent in the rain. Not only did it stop raining, but a beautiful rainbow appeared.
I still love my husband so much, even now he is so amazing. We had a really good time camping, though we all missed having Brian there. We made S'mores, the kids played at the beach and the park and we visited the waterfall again.
The field just before the waterfall is full of purple flowers, purple being the color of pancreatic cancer, and this of course made me think of Brian and all we have been through.
Camping was something that we loved to do together. It is something that I hope to continue doing with our kids, making memories and honoring who their dad was at the same time. I miss him and our family doesn't feel complete without him. But we are moving forward and creating new memories. He will forever be in our hearts as we continue down this path.
Comment
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Comment by twinsmum on August 9, 2012 at 12:01am -
Lovely - and love how you have the two photos of the family getting older. We too do camping and had our first major trip last Christmas. The beginning of the trip was absolutely terrible and everything went wrong. I am in a 4WD club so had 7 other vehicles with us so had lots of help. It was a hard tiring trip but well worth it in the end and I think made me a bit stronger in the process. I hope you do more camping as I hope do I. :)
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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on July 31, 2012 at 10:07am -
Sheryl, this was beautiful. So happy you are camping and continuing on with Brian's memories. I know it had to be bittersweet, but so glad to see that he was camping right along with you. Hugs, friend!
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Comment by Barbie Doll on July 28, 2012 at 1:55am -
Beautiful story and beautiful family! ((((((Hugs)))))))
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Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on July 27, 2012 at 12:57am
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Sheryl - Thank you for sharing your journey. You family is beautiful and what a great mom you are to keep making memories and moving forward through the pain and missing your Brian. May there be many more rainbows of hope for you . Blessings - Lisa
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Comment by Suz on July 26, 2012 at 9:13pm -
Beautiful. My husband also died of Pancreatic Cancer. It is a hard illness and I wish they would find something to help these poor sufferers. You are doing so well with your family. I am so glad that you were given a rainbow. I think it definitely was a sign. He is still there for you.
Hugs,
Suz
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Comment by Joyce on July 26, 2012 at 2:28pm -
Oh Sheryl: I'm so glad you got to see the rainbow and I hope it was comforting. Happy to see you've continued camping, Tom & I used to go, just don't know if I can do it without him, so you give me hope. Thanks for that.
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