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After the tragic loss of my wife, I no longer understand time. I don't understand how it can go so slow, and so fast at the same time. It has been 2 months, and it still seems like just a few days ago. I can't believe it has already been 2 months! I have been without her for 60 days, I cannot believe it. I want time to speed up, because it is supposed to get better with time. I suppose maybe it does, some days are better than others. I am not crying constantly now. But, I don't want time to go fast because I am afraid of a future without her. I don't want to forget anything about her. I can still see her smiling at me, and winking at me. What if I lose these images? I can still hear her laughter, i still remember what it feels like to snuggle with her and rub each other. Will time take this away? I hope not! A future without her, I never would have imagined. Now, I'm afraid of losing my memories of her. I am glad I have some pictures, and some video. I need to preserve them, so I don't ever lose them.

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Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on March 8, 2013 at 4:51pm

I'm so sorry for your loss Jake...but I'm so glad you found WV. I'm at 22 months and I still see my husband every time I close my eyes. Your right about time, I feel like it's been forever one moment and then just yesterday the next. The best thing about time I've found is in the beginning tears came with each memory....now smiles and warmth in my heart come with them. Tears still fall but not as many as before.

Comment by North54 on March 7, 2013 at 4:58pm

Hi Jake, I am just over two years out and have found as time goes by I am flooded with memories.  Pushing the cart through the grocery store and a memory will come, a memory that I hadn't up to this point remembered.  It is strange but wonderful.

Comment by JD on March 7, 2013 at 9:43am

Hi Jake,  I just want you to know you are not alone and these feelings are normal; we all go through the same conflict with time.  My experience has been that when the aloneness and emptiness were the worst also happened to be right before things turned around and I felt much better in a day or two.  I'm glad that I put off making choices during those low points and just allowed the pain to pass.

Comment by Suz on March 7, 2013 at 9:09am

Ms. D. That is a good idea. I usually post a picture on FB every once in awhile. I get a ton of hits. It seems like others want to remember him, too.

Comment by MrsD on March 7, 2013 at 8:23am
Also, I work in the museum field. Most Hisrtorical Societies and a lot of museums will do conservation consultations for preserving family heirlooms.
Comment by MrsD on March 7, 2013 at 8:22am
Everyday on Facebook I post something I miss about Dan. Someday I'll probably compile them and show them to our daughter. Some days it's something simple likke his smile or his laugh, but sometimes it's very specific. Like yesterday's:

"I miss the way you would make a can of soup in a pot, eat out of the pot, then put the pot in the refrigerator, where it would get all cloudy and gross. And then I'd go to cook, and think, where is that little pot?"
Comment by smit09 on March 6, 2013 at 6:02pm

keep writing and sharing... it will help your brain remember all of those things.

I've preserved our answering machine...his voice is on there.  I have some wedding day footage.  Photos are wonderful.  You won't ever lose her.

Comment by Suz on March 6, 2013 at 4:58pm

Jake,

I know that fear so well and think that it is very common. I am finding, at a year out, that the memories are becoming more rather than less. For a while, I was so terrified that I would forget. Now if I just calm myself and sit still awhile, I have all sorts of beautiful memories. I also love looking at our pictures and noticing little things, like a little mole on his face, (sounds weird ;-)) and it all looks so familiar. I had many people tell me I would not lose the memories.

So, so sorry for your tragic loss. You and your wife look so happy together.

Warmly,

Suz

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