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Hello. I’m new to the site, looking to find other people that are going through what I am. I have experienced so much stress and grief since 2015. My father passed away in 2015. My Mom passed away Christmas Eve 2016. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that spread to his brain in 2017. We were told he had about 18 months to live. He went through brain radiation first and that helped his symptoms then he started on chemo. He did really well until they switched the chemo medication. His body couldn’t take it and there were no other good options so he stopped. He lasted 4 months and then the end of September I could tell his body was losing quickly. His pain was terrible and they were always switching to try to give him some relief. It still amazes me how quickly the end came. Was told he had 2 weeks on a Monday, then on Wednesday we were told wouldn’t make through the weekend. Thursday we were told wouldn’t make it through the night.  Watching him pass was the worst thing I’ve experienced and I will never forget.  He lost his battle on October 4th.  

Its so so quiet in the house and I’m so lonely. I work from home which is a good thing but also not so great. My son comes over a lot now which I love him even more for that.

I’ve lost 3 out of 4 people closest to me and I am just so very sad. 

Tami

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Comment by TamiK on December 1, 2018 at 3:03pm

Thank you Flower and I am sorry about your husband and dad.  It’s very sad to hear you weren’t able to go to your dad’s funeral.  I’m sure that was very hard for you. 

I know I’m just beginning my journey but I’m really tired of the emotional roller coaster. One minute I’m dealing ok and the next minute something triggers a memory (any of my 3 loved ones) and off I go.  It can be very overwhelming. I know I’m getting better so that encourages me.  Right now the loneliness is getting to me. Most of my adult life I’ve been with someone so my house is very quiet. I’m sure there are many women who are going through this as well. 

Thanks again for for your response. 

Comment by Flower on December 1, 2018 at 8:28am

Tami,

I have just read your post, I’m so sorry that you have experienced so much loss in such a short time. It must be devastating!

I lost my Dad 2 months before my husband died and that was tough. I couldn’t fly home to say goodbye or attend the funeral as my husband needed me at that point. The day of Dad’s funeral I remember finding a quiet spot at the hospital where my husband was having a procedure to say a mental goodbye. 

Moving house is hard too, you are doing the right thing in doing things when your energy allows.

I survived the first year by doing one day at a time and sometimes just 15 minutes at a time. I’m glad your son is a source of comfort.

Comment by TamiK on November 30, 2018 at 2:56pm

Thanks InsideLove. I am so very sorry you have gone through so many losses as well, and in such a very short timeframe.  I know everyone on here has experienced loss but when you go through multiple losses back to back i kind of feel like no one understands what I’ve been having to deal with.  Until you let me know about your situation I felt alone in my experience so thank you for sharing.  I know I’m not the only one that has gone through something similar but to date I hadn’t heard of anyone.  I can imagine how hard it is for you, to have to manage all the grief and then deal with the other stresses going on around you. 

Im trying to get my house ready to sell as I can’t afford the mortgage by myself. I do things when I have the energy. I’m fortunate to have a very caring son who comes over at least once a week and checks in on me via texts and help when I need it. 

I am sorry to hear your sister is not talking to you. Families are supposed to grow closer not more distant during times of grief.  One of my sisters has a different outlook on death. She is a very strong Christian so she doesn’t have the sadness when someone dies as I do.  She has grown more distant to me and I am honestly ok with that for now. 

I wish you strength as you go through your grief.

Comment by InsideLove on November 30, 2018 at 4:07am

Tami, I am so sorry for your losses. My experience is with multiple losses in just 10 months.

Nov 2016, first my dad, 92, fell and broke his femur bone. He never recovered and died within 2 months of hospitalization and rehab. Except for my grandparents dying in the 1980s, and friends throughout the years, no one MOST important person died. My husband was rehabbing at home with me from routine hip surgery. He died 30 days later of complications that resulted in acute respiratory disease - I say he died of undiagnosed sepsis and aggressive treatments of lung issues they could never find. We had the most extraordinary life for 47 years. I went in shock and devastated. Then suddently, just 2 weeks later, my youngest sister called me home to another state. Mom, in long-term care for 4 years, was dying. We buried her just 2 weeks after my husband.

Grief does crazy things to people. Complicating all these deaths, for me my husband leaving me with the biggest hole in my life (we did everything together) my youngest sister stopped talking with me 6months ago; my only son is going through a high conflict divorce since just a month before his dad died.

If you ever want to talk, let's connect here and exchange emails/telephone numbers.

Again, Tami, there are NO words to express how sorry I feel for your losses.

Comment by TamiK on November 12, 2018 at 6:00pm

Thank you Texas for sharing a little of your story and I’m sorry for your loss. I am now trying to get my house ready to sell as I can’t afford our home just on my salary. Having to go through his things when I’m not ready is extremely tough but I have noticed it’s getting a little easier. Still really tough but a little easier. 

Thank you Misty. I appreciate you looking for your friend. I know there are people out there who have or are experiencing what I’m going through but I don’t know anyone. It’s hard not to feel alone. My family are concerned and empathize but they just don’t understand fully. 

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on November 12, 2018 at 11:16am

TamiK, you have every reason to be sad.  It's okay.  There is something called complicated grief and there is help/hope.  I have a friend from here at WV, she doesn't post often but she's in the same boat as you.  I'll see if I can track her down.  Perhaps she has some words of wisdom for you.  (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry you've had so many losses so close together.  

Comment by Texas on November 7, 2018 at 5:36pm

I hope you are comforted by the memories of these wonderful people that you have lost and that you are able to focus on getting through each day despite the fog. In my situation, my husband passed away at home after a six-month decline and I made it a point to leave the house every day after he passed away so I wouldn't have to look at his things all over the house. It took a couple of months until I was able to stay home without leaving each day. Now I make it a point to not leave the house at least one day per week and I am really comforted by the memories and his things. It is all still so raw for you and I wish you well. It has been 5 months for me and I am feeling much better now.

Comment by TamiK on November 5, 2018 at 3:36pm

Thank you Callie2, Diva70 and Carol for taking the time to respond and sharing a little of what you have gone through.  I am very sorry for your losses as well.  It’s hard not to feel very alone and I do feel like it’s going to take a very long time to heal.  I like the idea of being a victor and not a victim. I think that will help to change my mindset. It’s hard not to be consumed in my sorrow.

Comment by Callie2 on November 5, 2018 at 11:26am

TamiK, please accept my condolences over your multiple losses. I know what it is like to lose people that are close to us in a short period of time and it can feel very intense. Wishing I had the words to make you feel better but we both know, there aren’t any except that I understand. Only time will ease your pain and grief can be a rather long process requiring a whole lot of patience on our part.  

It will be ten years next month that my husband died. I met with a grief support group and remember quite well my first meeting. When asked whether we would chose to take a pill to forget our spouses (if it were available) or if we wished we never met so we wouldn’t be suffering with grief, would we want to chose either one? Of course, no one did. Some people say grief is the price of love. It is painful but it is part of life. Most of the time, one spouse will pass before the other. Remember, everyone here has lost a spouse or partner too, many of them quite recently.

Tami, I just want to say that life can become good again. It will be different as our lives have changed a great deal. We all seem to find our way at some point.  You will find your peace (acceptance) one day. It is a long road but each day you make a little progress. Hang on to hope. Hugs to you...

Comment by DIVA70 on November 5, 2018 at 9:16am

I am so sorry for the losses you have suffered and in such a short span of time. I wish I could find the right words to encourage you and give you hope. You see I am also in fog covered by a veil of loneliness but I am determined to let the grieving process work itself out until I can once again feel a little bit of the joy I had before I lost the love of my life on April 29, 2018. May 1, just two days later I lost my cousin who was like a brother to me. So within two days I lost two of the most important people in my life. What I try to do is remember the fun times we all had together and to think about what they would want me to do. I know each one would want me to find peace and happiness again. I'm trying but some days the loneliness becomes unbearable. I do have a two or three good friends who just seem to know when I need a call or virtual hug. I also started going to Grief Share meetings at a local church. They have them all over the states. I must say they have been very helpful. This is not a "club" we volunteered for and it sucks.....but I saw my mother come back from despair when my dad died and I've watch others do the same . I am determined to be a victor and not a victim. Wishing you hope, peace, and consolation. 

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