A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Vicious Cycle
I have to constantly remind myself that just because I'm starting to feel better that it doesn't mean that I don't love my Honey with all my heart and soul. I didn't ever see myself feeling better than I did in the beginning but the fog of shock and confusion is lifting. Actually, when I think about this I start to cry? Feeling better makes me cry? How coocoo is that? I don't want to feel better. I think I want to be as sad as I was in the beginning. How coocoo is that? Then I think about how my life has turned out I cry. Then I think about all the good things in my life and I cry. Hmmm maybe I'm not feeling better after all;/
Views: 39
Comment
-
Comment by hendrixx2 on August 5, 2012 at 6:15pm -
Hi honeyspuddin,
I too am feeling better, it has been 9 months since DJ's death and the majority of that time has been immersed in grief; not merely 'grieving', wallowing, rolling in, and submerged in it. From the start I did this on purpose because just as DJ's life had ran it's full cycle, I believed grief would have to have it's cycle also. My intent from the start was to feel ''better'', and it is happening, I have been fortunate in that I have been able to do this and not feel any distractions about feeling better......now; however during this, while it was going on, I experienced doubts about feeling better, possible guilt about feeling good and not being upset as much about DJ not being here...eventually it passed, and the ''better'' stayed.
Now I feel it is a natural part of the progression, a phase we may have to go through to achieve the ability to feel the simple joys of just feeling ''better''....about everything; know that you are not alone in feeling the doubts and hesitations regarding our trek through grief...you are moving.....ahead....thanx...
-
Comment by honeys(puddin) on August 1, 2012 at 1:43pm
-
I would like to think he would not want me to be sad but in reality I think he would be surprised that I wasn't sad forever because of how devoted I was to him and everything about him. I seriously built my entire life and world around him. I now see how that worked out for me;/ He knew that I was strong though. He always said I could do anything I put my head to. He had such faith in the woman that I was. More than I did. He was always so proud of me. Always bragging on me for the silliest (to me) things. Yeah I think he would be proud of me for all that I've survived since he left. Sigh. Breaks my heart:(
-
Comment by LaurieR on August 1, 2012 at 11:28am -
I think we all feel guilty that we are not wearing black and mourning for a year. The first time I laughed I cried because I never thought I should be happy without Ron here. Your husband does not sound like a man who would have wanted you to be sad all the time.
This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people
Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
HOT TOPICS!
© 2013 Created by Supa Dupa Fresh.
You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!
Join Widowed Village