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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Its Wednesday again, the 11th one since that awful day back in July, the 23rd day of the month. When I sat by her bed at the hospital in the early morning hours, holding her hand, feeling her slipping away until she was gone. My daughter was there as well; my son took her husband and the baby home.

Only yesterday I connected the day of the month and realized that our 33rd wedding anniversary was May 23rd, only two months earlier. And that my friend from collage, who was at our wedding and we at hers, Sue was the maid of honor; her birthday was also May 23rd.

The Wednesday and the 23rd, the new markers of my life. The third 23rd is rapidly approaching as I’m swept along unwillingly in the raging river of time. I turn back and watch her slipping away, unable to stop. I love you… I love you… I love you…

Sometimes I feel like I’m under the water, others like I’m barely above. There are others in the current with me, who help each other, some who I now call friends. The current will eventually sweep us to some unknown shore, where hope may still reign of another life. Hope of possibly another to share my journey, but I can’t see that far ahead.

Wherever that river sweeps me, I will always miss and remember my lost love. As the Wednesdays go by and the 23rd’s come and go.


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Comment by Pigeon on October 31, 2014 at 5:05am
Dave. This is a beautiful piece of writing. Thank you for sharing it. I remember counting time from 813 to 813 then Monday to Monday then the 3rd of the month to the 3rd of the month then wow the 3rd of July to the next.... It's a strange progression. So many things change on this journey and dates and times carry such different meaning and significance. Thank you for expressing it so well. Take good care.
Comment by laurajay on October 11, 2014 at 12:15pm
 Dearest Dave.  I offer you a lingering hug.  But more importantly  I give you another 23 to think on.  It is not a river. It is a rock.  Put it in your pocket.  Place it in your heart for those times when the other 23s  come to haunt you.  This 23 brings hope and trust and regardless of our religion reminds us of the power that supersedes human understanding.   Make this 23  your 23 .  It was written for you, for me  and for the world.
You are walking through the valley of the shadow now...keep walking  with knowledge that you are not alone. Ever.    laurajay

Psalm 23 King James Version (KJV)

23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Comment by barbee on October 11, 2014 at 7:08am

Dave, you are correct that the waves of grief come and go. So do the feelings of loneliness and emptiness. And, so do the times of happiness and joy! Grief is messy and confusing and ongoing. I don't think one ever truly gets over losing someone they love.

Give yourself a gift by not looking too far ahead. That will make you crazy! Enjoy what you can of today and make some plans for tomorrow. The future will come eventually for us all.

The 23rd is a significant day for me too. September 23, 1963 was our first date. May 23, 2014 would have been our 50th wedding anniversary. He didn't live long enough to celebrate it, dying 15 months short. Anticipating that day is much worse than actually living that day I've discovered. I'm finding looking ahead is self defeating, so I'm concentrating on one day at a time. I give myself times to feel sad and to cry, but more and more I try to look for a spot of joy in each day.

Be good to yourself and have patience with yourself.

Comment by Dave55 on October 10, 2014 at 1:25pm

The people on the Camp Widow Toronto page gave me the courage to add this here as well as there.  Also I want to thank missingRKK, her writings also give me courage. 

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