I am downsizing. I no longer need, nor want my big house, with rooms for entertaining and company. I don't need a big woodworking workshop in the basement, nor a music room for my husband's drums, keyboard, and guitar. I don't need televisions in every room. I don't need a gourmet kitchen that I use only to make coffee and microwave supper. All of that became unnecessary the minute Kevin died and I changed from a wife to a widow.
Now I crave a simpler life, with fewer responsibilities for THINGS. As I pack up stuff for donation, sale, or conseignment, I am constantly asking myself why on earth I ever wanted this stuff. Not only did I want these things, but I actually paid money for them! It is hard to imagine that person, the woman who worked hard for shopping money and loved acquiring pretty things. It all just seems so meaningless now.
What do I want now? I want to feel lighter. I want to travel and experience beautiful places. I want to spend time with my family and friends, people who truly care about me. I want my husband back, of course, and I don't think I will ever stop wishing for that. I want to find some kind of peace here on earth until I join him again. Until then, I will treasure my relationships with others and my ability to DO, instead of GET. I think Kevin would be proud of me.