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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I am downsizing. I no longer need, nor want my big house, with rooms for entertaining and company. I don't need a big woodworking workshop in the basement, nor a music room for my husband's drums, keyboard, and guitar. I don't need televisions in every room. I don't need a gourmet kitchen that I use only to make coffee and microwave supper. All of that became unnecessary the minute Kevin died and I changed from a wife to a widow.

Now I crave a simpler life, with fewer responsibilities for THINGS. As I pack up stuff for donation, sale, or conseignment, I am constantly asking myself why on earth I ever wanted this stuff. Not only did I want these things, but I actually paid money for them! It is hard to imagine that person, the woman who worked hard for shopping money and loved acquiring pretty things. It all just seems so meaningless now.

What do I want now? I want to feel lighter. I want to travel and experience beautiful places. I want to spend time with my family and friends, people who truly care about me. I want my husband back, of course, and I don't think I will ever stop wishing for that. I want to find some kind of peace here on earth until I join him again. Until then, I will treasure my relationships with others and my ability to DO, instead of GET. I think Kevin would be proud of me.

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Comment by shelleyb57 on January 13, 2014 at 10:51pm

I too am in the same situation. I already live in a condo but my husband had many boxes of "stuff" that he had from when we moved here. It has been difficult to decide what to do with some of it since they are his collectibles. I've already donated boxes and boxes of things to his sister's church for the spring sale. Sometimes I think I could take it a step further and declutter some of the things that I'm not using anymore either since he died. It's hard to concentrate on things like tv or reading and I used to do both of those things a lot. I also spent many hours knitting while he was in the cancer treatment center. Now I haven't even picked up my needles once.

I too want to feel lighter. I want to enjoy life today and not wait until tomorrow. Seize the day! :-)

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