What do you say?

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Comment by honeys(puddin) on July 30, 2012 at 4:07pm

I am now at the realization stage.  Nothing is going to bring him back.  He's gone.  I am here.  Without him.  11 weeks since he left.  Could be 11 years for all the changes I've gone through so far.  Things went well on Saturday and I even met 2 childhood friends for dinner on Sunday.  The more I do it the easier it becomes.  Time for me to take what is left of me and let me start forming into the me that I'm going to be without my Honey.  I hate this reality more than anything I've ever hated in my whole life but hating takes energy which is limited to surviving these days so I try not to dwell on my anger.  This is not how I saw my life at 52, at 18 yrs. of marriage, 3 kids, 3 grandkids, 3 dogs and alone;/

Comment by Leeanne on July 29, 2012 at 10:58pm

"I'm broken, but still breathing" is the answer I give. It seems to be a satisfying answer for both me and the people who ask the question. I don't seem to get the uncomfortable silences.
It gives them just a small peek at how I really feel ( I am now at 11 weeks out)and have actually been told it is a good answer. Works for me.
I hope it went well for you.

Comment by Lynne on July 29, 2012 at 4:21pm

I usually say "as well as can be expected, all things considered"...it's true, so I don't have to put on that fake happy face but neither is it all doom and gloom which just makes for an awkward moment for everyone.  I think your "I'm here" is very similar, actually.  It is sometimes difficult to get back out "in the world" and I walk a fine line between allowing myself the down time that I need and that is natural AND pushing myself a bit to not isolate and to start getting on with this new life that has been thrust on me.  It's such uncharted territory for most of us and I honestly believe we're doing the best that we can.  So, I can certainly understand what you're saying.  Wishing you all the best.  Lynne

Comment by honeys(puddin) on July 28, 2012 at 12:02pm

Well I look good today.  I hope I don't cry and ruin my makeup:)

Comment by grace28 on July 28, 2012 at 11:25am

My first fundraiser after Hubby died, I ran into a few people who had not known that he died.they were from out of the area.  That broke me down. I wished I'd been prepared for "Where is he?" I have not played  the frail, poor widow at all. My Hubby would have hated that. I surround myself with my friends and avoid anyone who has that "oh, poor Grace look", like they're going to start crying. Don't fall into that trap!

Comment by Sherbear on July 28, 2012 at 10:57am

"I woke up this morning and I'm still breathing" or just "I'm still breathing".

So "I'm here" pretty much says it in a nutshell.

 

Then, I let people decide if they want to venture into knowing how I really feel.

Somedays I can tolerate the empty "let's get togethers" and pitiful looks. Other days, not so much.

It's kind of a day by day thing.

You can always excuse yourself and find a quite place to go if you need a few moments alone. You might explain to your friend ahead of time that you might need to have some down time.

((((Big Hugs)))))

Comment by honeys(puddin) on July 28, 2012 at 7:20am

"Terrible this sucks" kind of fits with what I feel.  "I'm here" has been my standard answer for most everyone since the beginning.  "I'm functioning and taking care of business" is also my other answer.  I'm trying to be positive about today.  It's not about me today.  It's about my friend whom I support and is counting on me being there for her.  I made it through my Sons wedding which was really scary for me being 9 weeks out for me.  I am now 11 weeks out and stronger.  It's been a rough emotional week but I know those are to be expected.  I can't believe he's gone and I'm never going to hold or kiss him ever again.  THAT is the reality I hate.  Everything else is nothing;/

Comment by LaurieR on July 28, 2012 at 1:49am

I like "functioning" or" as good as can be expected" or "terrible, this sucks".  I save the terrible this sucks for my closest friend.  But I here is a new one I will have to give it a try.

Comment by Dawn- Clouds Mum on July 28, 2012 at 12:06am

I am here is good, I also used as good as can be expected. As for the empty offers.... sometimes it is good to just smile and say that you will be in touch. Saves the feeling of obligation on either side. As for the hugs, take them in the spirit in which they are intended.... comfort.... hugs are good for the soul no matter what. Pitiful looks are something to be ignored, I don't even respond to them, I don't think that I ever did even at Keith's funeral. I did not want pity from anyone, not then and not now, (19 months out), there are still some that do it, but I just move on gracefully and ignore the pity. 

(((HUGS))) for strength for the day. Dawn

Comment by honeys(puddin) on July 27, 2012 at 5:54pm

Thank you everyone.  I know I'll get through it.  Hell I'm getting through the loss of my Love, I sure as heck can get through an outing among friends who mean well.  Just sucks that I have to go through this;/

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