When does this ever get better?????

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Comment by judy on September 28, 2012 at 12:39pm

You are no alone in this hard hard journey Carolynne - can't say it will get better - because right now it really does not feel like it will get any better.  Hang on to this wild ride we are on - seatbelts for sure.

It totally sucks ---- and we shouldn't be here grieving but we are. 

Love you Carolynne - glad you are in my life - you help me get through this hard hard anniversary.

Peace for you..... and for me - I'm trying so hard to reach out for God.....

Love,

Judy

Comment by hendrixx2 on September 28, 2012 at 7:49am

hi Carol-e,

Nothing is 'wrong' with you...you're moving through grief and the road is not always an easy one...wishing you Peace and Healing...

Comment by Mariposa on September 27, 2012 at 4:16pm

Carolynne- ((HUGS)) - what you wrote  sounds like the thoughts in my head. Please know there is nothing wrong with you, only that your heart has been torn open because half of you is gone.   It has been nine months since I lost my husband to cancer and I thought I was doing better. Lately I have been having a very hard time and it began with the Labor Day Weekend and I am still toughing it out. I've been crying so much my eyes are puffy, I feel utterly exhausted, so lacking in energy that the smallest thing is taxing. I am taking care of things for the sake of my son, but it is so hard to move forward.  These waves of grief comes and knock us about, threatening to down us in a sea of sorrow. I send you a hugs, cups of comfort, and big fluffy pillows of hope. I wish you peace and strength to get through your grieving. Mariposa

Comment by Susan J on September 27, 2012 at 2:36pm

There is NOTHING wrong with you. I just got throught a really bad bout which lasted 3 months and I am 2.5 years out. Process the feelings. Take them out and examine them with a magnifying glass. Learn to recognize them fast, let them wash over you and let them ebb. We never get through mourning, we are in it forever. It gets easier, but not easy. It just is.

Comment by feelinglonely on September 27, 2012 at 11:25am

Carolynne--know exactly how you feel--I keep waiting  and praying for the garage door to go up but it never does.  You will have good days and bad days--that is normal.  I finally had the guts to join a support group and it is helping me to know that other people have the same feelings.  I actually look forward to going.

Comment by Marsha on September 26, 2012 at 11:14pm

(((((Carolynne))))) Another wave has come and knocked you down. You will be thrown around and want to give up. Somehow you will make it through. Hate this ride. I come home and pull on the cul-de-sac expecting to see his truck praying he'll be home. Why? I haven't a clue. The truck was sold and he's been gone over 20 months now. The mystery of grief. Breath Carolynne and take baby steps. You can and will continue on for Randy. Sending prayers and warm thoughts your way.

Comment by Suz on September 26, 2012 at 9:07pm

Oh, Carolynne,

I am sorry you have again hit one of the down spots. I can sympathize, having just had a big downward visit myself. I never imagined grief to be like this. I thought I would cry and cry for a certain period and then it would be over. Instead we have these unpredictable times of evenness mixed with the deep lows and even some highs. i am veeerry gradually learning that, just as I go down, I will come up again. 

You are such an special person. I know you will be up again soon.

Hugs,

Suz

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on September 26, 2012 at 7:41pm

This shit feeling is temporary Carolynne. Hang on woman, you CAN do this, you CAN. We all are. It is hard, and it is painful, but it is SURVIVABLE. We need you here, you have helped me more than once with just your blog comments. Hang on, hang on.  Tell life screw you..i am gonna make it through this!!!!!!!

Comment by MsKris12 on September 26, 2012 at 1:33pm

Oh, sweet Carolynne (that was kinda funny??, lol) No it doesn't get better, it just gets different.  I have to agree with Badass-slow down, drop a class or hell, do what I did and take a year off from classes, you will get back, I promise.  You and Randy have to have the time to adjust to all the changes going on, focus on what you and he need.  You have moved, started school, still working and have been traveling like the Travelocity Gnome!!!  Pull out pictures of your life with Rodney, look at them over and over again, perhaps seeing him THERE will help you to stop looking for him around every corner as I know your heart misses his sweet face.  I have noticed that I am more tearful, forgetful, up all night and I realized the other day, that it is that time again...it is the change of seasons, the clear signal of time passage...more time without them here with us, BUT also, letting us know that we have made it this far and we can and will do this together.

Blessings Angel

Kris

Comment by feelinglonely on September 26, 2012 at 1:13pm

ONG---you sound exactly like me.  I may have a few good days and I say to myself--OK--you are doing OK.  Then, bingo--something sets me off--it could be some minor thing--like the garage door wont go down and then I just start crying and cant stop.  And, I do say--Robby, I cant do this anymore, I cant be alone, I dont want to be alone.  I need you--but he doesnt answer.  Hang in Carolynne--there is nothing wrong with you.

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