Just had a nasty email from one of my adult children, we've had an uneasy relationship for some time, now for some reason that has come to a head. Don't you just hate those times? Can't see what I can do about it, everything is true from one perspective if not the unadulterated truth, no love or compassion from this one though. That hurts me, after all if your family can't support you who will? Maybe the signs have been there for a while and I have had other things on my mind and ignored them.
I feel as if I don't belong anywhere. I know I need to sell this house before it falls down around me. I haven't done much maintenance in the last ten years and it shows.Many little things are wrong with it but they will add up to a great expense. If I sell and move that will be another link broken in a chain with too many breaks in it already.
I am starting to feel out of step with the organizations I have belonged to in the past, like the two dementia groups I have belonged to for years. I need to gracefully withdraw from them now and hope that some of the friends I have made in those groups will continue to be friends. And if not, so be it. I need to move on, I just can't see where I need to go from here.
How do you reinvent yourself? How do you "move on"? I don't know. I thought I was doing well, making small changes, becoming more my own person again. But apparently that could lead to division too. Maybe some people preferred me overwhelmed by the disaster after disaster Ray's long illness was? Then i was so absorbed in the caregiving I didn't give a thought to what was happening around me.
I am just rambling, sleep eludes me and I can't see the road ahead again. What an unhappy woman I am sometimes. Just as well I can still plaster on the smiley face so no-one sees the pain..