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Why Do I Smile if I'm Hurting on the Inside
I decided right after my wife died on 6 August 2012 that I was going to try to do the best I could to put on a good front, mainly for my family! I wanted them to feel that I was holding up well and that I could continue without my wife. They all knew how close we were and I didn't want them thinking that I couldn't handle life after such a hard blow. I wanted my children and grandchildren in particular to feel that grandpa was okay. I tried to smile as much as I could and to be cheerful. I believe I fooled them, because I got many compliments about how well I was doing. Many said they were surprised to see that I was taking it so well. I guess I'm a better actor than I thought I was.
As the minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months have gone by, however, a funny thing has happened. At first, the smiles were fake, but as time has passed, the smiles have become more and more genuine and real. It's now gotten to the point that smiling has become natural and no longer forced. So, what I started out doing to help others has turned out to be something very positive that has helped me. We all grieve and we, here on WV, face this together. We do "get it" and we understand what's it like. If there is one thing we know, it's that it's not easy. I hope that each and everyone of you has a very nice weekend and if you haven't done so, try to put on a smile, for others, of course. Just maybe, the smiles will help you too like it did me. Warm hugs and a smile from my heart to your's! :) Stan 
My wife Linda, smiling!
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Comment by Moving On on February 21, 2013 at 1:52pm -
Thanks Cathy, I'm happy it helps! Don't feel guilty about not crying all the time. It's sometimes easy to do, but smiling is a lot better for us! We may have to force it at times, but the more we do it, the better we will feel, and the easier the smiles will come. I too hope that someday I will be with Linda again, and I hope she's waiting for me! In the meantime, I plan to keep smiling and hope that she is smiling with me. It makes me feel better to think that she is smiling and wants me to smile too. No matter how long we were married or together, it is a heck of a blow, when it happens and we become eligible for membership in exclusive groups like this. However, once it happens, I think it is wonderful that this place exists! I was lucky to find WV by doing an Internet search and I'm very thankful I did. To me, WV feels like home! Warms hugs, Stan
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Comment by Jpswife(Cathy) on February 21, 2013 at 1:32pm -
Hi Stan!:)
Your blog about smiling sure helps! Thanx! I feel guilty sometimes that I'm not crying all the time! We were married almost 29 years! I guess the fact I know John is in HEAVEN & is walking & talking with Jesus REALLY HELPS! And I'll see him again!! Cathy
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Comment by Moving On on February 20, 2013 at 12:32pm
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Poppys Girl, Thank you and I hope that you can do it! The smiles are not easy, but it's something we all have in us even if we have to force them. The best part about smiles is that people will many times smile back! It is contagious! To me, the big thing about smiles, is that they truly can make you feel better. It's actually hard to remain sad if you're smiling! So, my suggestion is to stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself! If you are not smiling, start practicing and keep it up till the person in the mirror is smiling back at you! :) Hopefully, it won't take too long! :) I'm sending as many smiles, along with a hug, as I can from Oregon!
(((((((((( SMILES )))))))) ((((HUG)))) Stan
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Comment by Poppys Girl on February 20, 2013 at 12:15pm -
Thank you, I needed to read this. March it will be 2 1/2 years since my husband passed and reading your post gave me a visual picture of myself...hardly no smiles at all. Being married for 36 years then having him gone took my joy away. I will try harder.
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Comment by Moving On on February 16, 2013 at 10:53pm
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Marsha, Thank you! I'm glad you made the hard decision to try to act happy and to start joking a little. And, I'm particularly happy that it helped. I agree with you about always missing our loved ones, they are not something that we will ever get over! You're absolutely right about it not helping us if we are miserable for whatever time we have left here. None of us know, but we can try to make it easier for ourselves and for the others that still love of. Warm hugs and smiles coming your way! Stan (((((HUGS))))) (((((SMILES)))))
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Comment by Marsha on February 16, 2013 at 10:43pm -
Stan I too made a decision to smile early on. I also forced myself to interact with people at work and to start joking a little. It did help me to move forward. Still had the tears and melt downs on the way home. I had to practice to get back to being happy before it became a reality. We will always miss our loves but it won't help us to be miserable for whatever time we have left here on this earth. (((((Hugs)))))
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Comment by Moving On on February 16, 2013 at 3:22pm
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Thanks Twinkles and Sharon! Sharon I hope you get through this weekend, your two year out mark, and come out of it stronger than before. Anniversaries and special dates can be especially hard for us! But, they will happen and we just have to try to get through them and to the other side. Many happy thoughts and hugs coming your way today! Stan
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Comment by srm541 on February 16, 2013 at 3:01pm -
Stan, thanks for sharing this today. You are so right, the smiles do come more often, this doesn't take away from the love we have for the one we lost. It has been almost two years for me, this weekend was the time he went into the hospital, so I always seem to relive that part on that time in my life.
Hope you continue to write and chat here in WV.
Take care, Sharon
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Comment by twinkles on February 16, 2013 at 1:01pm -
Beautiful.
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